027

I thought when love for you died, I should die. It's dead. Alone, most strangely, I live on.

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

Maybe part of loving is learning to let go.

The day you finally decide to love me will be the day after the day I have given up on chasing you.

If someone you love hurts you cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.


PS; I just need some distraction from those Maths and Bio books :)
Oh yeah, studied like H-E-L-L this morning.

#42 Tak Payah Susah2 Baca.

You.
Malas nak cakap banyak lah, you know what you did. I tried to be nice and everything but it's just not enough for you. Malas lah you. I tak nak kacau you dah. I know I said that a few times..but I mean it now. I'm tired trying to maintain our friendship. Are we even friends by the way? Tak tau lah. I didn't ask, I don't wanna know. I'm someone who you would find when you need entertainment or something. I didn't ask for much, I want us to be friends. Friends talk to each other. Friends do NOT ignore each other. Friends appreciate each other's existence. I tau you ada berjuta kawan tapi ada ke jumpa kawan mcm I? Babe, I'm not a Barbie doll. Tak payah treat I macam I takde feelings. When I make mistakes, I apologize macam gila, ada you kisah? Bila you buat salah, ada you terfikir nak mintak maaf kat I? Ohhh you rasa you perfect la tak pernah salah, tak pernah lukakan perasaan I. I tak pernah mintak pape dari you babe. Tapi ape salahnye cakap 'thanks' sometimes. I do that all the time kat you. Babe, I tak cakap psl love sbb it's complicated. Although if I do feel that way pun, I'm gonna deny it each second now. Because it's not worth it, I've nothing to gain. I've NOTHING to expect. I'm hurt, I'm broken. I give up. I give up on you..

You may be laughing your ass out while reading this. Whatever, guy!
Suka hati I la nak nangis ke apa, I manusia. And I'm used to crying because of you. But I promise you, this is gonna be the last time.


Love, me.

#38 Crap Bukan Crab.

Bagai jatuh ditimpa lori 5 tan babe :D
No matter how crap I feel, I won't put sad smileys in my blog.

1. Gaduh dgn bf tadi. Which leads to number 2.
2. Break off dgn bf.
3. Di-ignore oleh Dazzler. Again.

Dear you,

I care for you babe, I seriously do. You tak buat salah ape pun, you're a nice guy. Everything's my fault. I keep too many secrets, I'm never satisfied with what you do, I'm an ungrateful human being, you are allowed to kill me (seriously). Besides, the chemistry isn't there. And we argued twice on the same issue, about the same guy. Sorry babe, you're not matured enough for me. You never spelled my name correctly. Sorry I wasted 3 months of your life. Sorry babe, but I never lied to you. I keep secrets but I don't lie. Sorry for everything. I do hope we stay friends though. I still care about you..

From the bottom of my heart, XOXO.

Crap, all my life I try to make everyone happy but no one is ever happy with me kan kan kan.
Sedihnya babe.
I taknak rasa mcm ni, I tak nak fikir bukan2 psl u.
I taknak fikir that u took advantage on me just because I'm nice to everyone.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Tp mcm mana kalau betul?

*suka hati la aku guna bahasa rojak pun, emosi tak betul skrg*

Rasa loya gilaaa dr smlm, tak abeh g kot smpai skrg.
Dah don't give me that look, I'm not pregnant.
Kalau tak confirm doc tak tick "LAYAK UTK PLKN" masa medical check up td.
Yes, I did my check up.
They analysed my urine, ok kot.
And calculated my BMI - normal.
Blood pressure, heartbeat blah3 - normal *very surprising*
Nothing's wrong with my system lah!
(except that i'm FAT)

Maybe ada hikmahnya aku kena hantar pegi PLKN ey.
To escape from all these?

Was it something I said or something I did
Did my words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
Ya, I tried but I guess that's why they say

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn, yeah, it does

Though it's been a while now
I can still feel so much pain
Like a knife that cuts you, the wound heals
But the scar, that scar will remain

This is my current tune.
Every Rose Has Its Thorn - Miley Cyrus.

#35 You. =)

Half of My Heart - John Mayer ft. Taylor Swift

I was born in the arms of imaginary friends
Free to roam, made a home out of everywhere I've been
Then you come crashing in, like the realest thing
Trying my best to understand all that your love can bring

Oh half of my heart's got a grip on the situation
Half of my heart takes time
Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you
That I can't keep loving you
Oh, with half of my heart

I was made to believe i'd never love somebody else
I made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself
Lonely was the song I sang, 'til the day you came
Showing me a better way and all that my love can bring

Oh half of my heart's got a grip on the situation
Half of my heart takes time
Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you
That I can't keep loving you
Oh, with half of my heart
With half of my heart

Your faith is strong
But I can only fall short for so long
Time will hold, later on
You will hate that I never gave more to you than half of my heart
But I can't stop loving you
But I can't stop loving you
But I can't stop loving you with half of my...

Half of my heart
Half of my heart

Half of my heart's got a real good imagination
Half of my heart's got you
Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you
That half of my heart won't do

Half of my heart is a shotgun wedding to a bride with a paper ring
And half of my heart is the part of a man who's never really loved anything

Half of my heart
Half of my heart
Half of my heart
Half of my heart
Half of my heart
Half of my heart

#32 SGGS.

Brain to Me: Ahem. I'm officially an EX-student of SGGS.
Me to Brain: What?? So soon??
Brain to Me: Idk but it feels awesome, it's the end of the schooling years! :D

Lets rewind.

2006/1 TOPAZ.

Ye, aku skema lg masa nie =.= Masuk2 je kelas, duduk sebelah Shi Yeng. Yela, mana nak tau perangai dia yg bebetul masa memula jumpa kan. Lgpun mak pesan, duduk la sebelah budak cina, hari2 boleh praktis speaking. Shi Yeng ni budak baik je, homework sume siap (aku pun bg siap jgk), tp satu je lah mslhnya. Ckp bnyk betul. Kot ckp bnde yg masuk akal/berkaitan dgn aku takpela jgk =,= Takpe takpe, lets skip this part sbb tak best. Aku bersyukur jugak la dpt duduk kat seat tu sbb masa tu lah mula2 kenal gay partner ku sayang dengan Aimi. Tak tau camne boleh click dgn depa2 neh masa tu, haha sbb aku kan skema tahap tak ingat. Then around March kot ade interview utk pengawas la amende ntah. Aku pun dgn konfidennya pegi interview tu (sbb ckgu dah letak nama aku dlm list pon) and tup tup dpt la jd prefect sat. I mean, saaaaaaat. Dah lepas tu aku letak jawatan. Haha. And masa form1 la start menggedik ngan senior. Nama tak payah sebut lah :D Aku ingat lg masa mid year exam dpt no 1, ada jgk peluang naik pentas tu utk hari penyampaian hadiah! Wee. That was the first and the last time utk 3 tahun seterusnya =.=

2007/2 DELIMA

Form2 rocks!! Tambah2 lg bila aku, Basy dgn Aimi dpt kelas sama lagiiii :D Taktau mcm mana kitorang mmg nakal gilaa tahun tu. Skip classes? Check. Panjat clock tower? Check. Kacau senior? Check. Buli junior? Check. Seludup brg larangan? Check check check. Org smua tak suka geng kitorang sbb suka buat kacau, haha. Asl ada spotcheck ke ape, nama kitorang la naik. + 2 org lg, Farah dgn Atiqah. Mmg sama je sengetnya dgn kitorang. Ngee. But the best part was, tak kira mcm mana nakalnya pun kitorang..akademik still maintain okay. Ahaa kat skolah je cmtu, kat rumah kitorang lg baik dr Charlie's Angel :D Year 2007 jgk tahun menggatal dgn senior, haha, yeah time ni baru nak mengenal kakak2 comel lg lawa kat sekolah. Tak nak sebut nama~

2008/3 DELIMA

Masa ni the trios dah berpecah pun. Aimi masuk 1st class, Akik. Aku masuk 2nd, Delima. Basy masuk 7th, Topaz. Mmg dah start renggang dr awal tahun lg.. Takpe la, I made new friends kat 3D. Deena, Aliah, Azimah, Irza, Fatin Aqilah, Jenny and bnyk lg la.. Dpt kwn2 baru ni sedikit sbnyk dpt tone down kenakalan aku la :P Yela diorang jenis bebaik smua, genius pun tahap einstein jgk la. Thanks to y'all..aku study bebetul utk PMR. Kalau diorang takde, mmg aku takde nak g skolah utk program pecutan smua. Lepak kat rumah je la. Disebabkan tak larat nak dgr diorang membebel hari2 kalau aku skip school, aku pegi jugak. Takpe, tak menyesal pun. Sbb result best. Smua kwn2 aku 8A termasuk aku.

ps; Malas nak cerita psl kes berebut godsis smua.
pps; Ily kak wanie! [;

2009/4 INTAN

Masuk form4 ni la yg agak tension sbb smua pakat nak lari g mrsm la, sbp la. Perghhh buat cm SGGS tak ckup bagus =.= Aku apply jgk mrsm tp entrance exam dia aku tak pegi pun. Yeah i know what's the point of applying kan. Haih so Aimi dgn Aliah pegi MRSM Taiping with a few others, Fatin pegi MRSM Balik Pulau and ada a few yg masuk SBP. Whatever it is, aku terkejut sbb stuck dkat kelas INTAN tu. Sbb aku tak letak pun nama dkt list bebudak yg nak amik akaun, ttbe dpt kelas akaun+muzik+arts pulak. Sheesh. Lantakla. So I didn't have any friends. I repeat, I didn't have any friends till I meet Deena. Haha terus rapat dgn dia lah, apa lg kan. Dah kitorang mmg lone rangers kat situ. Then kenal dgn Sally, Shahira, Hamizah, Fateha, Nicole, Amery, Kah Yoke, Ee-Lin, Tara, Man Ying, Aqilah, Ni Wen.. (bnyk lg kot) yg awesome sgt2. Walaupun kelas kitorang slalu bising, kena aim dgn bnyk ckgu tp..lantak ah. 4 Intan rocks. Genius2 smua kena baling masuk kelas ni (tak termasuk aku). One memorable thing psl form4..aku dpt 99 utk akaun :D Kira highest in form la masa tu.. Then after mid year exam aku drop akaun. Sbb tak tahan tgk number 99 tu reciprocate jd 66. And bio pun duk compete dgn Basyirah sayang aku tu. Dia dpt 96 masa tu, aku dpt 95 kot..tak, tak ingat. Hek eleh masa form4 je pun nak merasa dpt A+ utk bio kan kan kan! Oh and aku join board of traffic wardens! (sbb nak dpt merit. pathethic kan!). Dpt pulak jd duty leader. Wahhh..berganda2 la merit aku, hehehe. And plg sedih, Nicole migrate pegi Aussie! Aww miss you dear! :')

2010/5 INTAN

Awal2 tahun tu, smua masuk kelas dgn muka time-to-get-serious. Lantak la, aku tetap aku, chillax jer. Still, duk sebelah Deena. Kitorang mmg inseparable dah pun, nak buat cm na. SPM ke ape ke, yg aku tau, hari jumaat dah kira hari wajib kitorang lepak kat prangin after school kot! Confirm nmpk muka kitorang kat kaunter coolblog tu. Day after day, diorang dah mcm family bg aku. Aku ingt lg awal tahun, dpt 100 utk physics, smua org mcm 'whoahhhh. u're mad. yeah, who gets 100 for physics'. Aku sengih je. Hek eleh, chapter tu kacang je kot, budak form2 bleh buat. And I got another 100 for maths. Mmg happy gilaa sbb maths mmg fvrt subjek aku, happy sbb dpt buat Cikgu Zainun senyum smpai telinga bila bg balik kertas aku =) I learned to love add maths from Mr Ooi! Before this mmg aku tak suka add maths sbb complicated sgt. Tp mcm mana pun aku tetap dpt A-. Still, A jugak kan. Aku tetapkan azam nak improve add maths and Alhamdulillah..skrg ni okay jgk la. Kenangan terindah sekolah tahun ni bila dpt pegi hari anugerah cemerlang lg! Setelah 3 tahun aku tak naik pentas tu. Tahun ni dpt hadiah utk maths dgn bm. Boleh la tahan.. Aliran masa mid year tu no 5. Masa trial SPM naik ke no 3. Happy tak terkata.. Sbb yela, masuk sekolah tu smua hebat2 mmg susah nak be on top of others. Tp Alhamdulillah I made it this year, my final year. It's something to be remembered later.

And finally, SPM. Well today is the last day. I don't have anything to say about Bio papers. I don't want to hear anything about SPM anymore. I look forward to so many things. PLKN, I'm definitely excited to make new friends and shape up my body ;D I look forward to meeting soooo many people. Faris and Ikhwan, next week. Daddy tak tau lg bila but hopefully, soon! Encik Shah yg dah lama tak jumpaaa. Rindu pulak. And I look forward to college life.

I'm lame, yeah.

So that concludes my schooling life at SGGS.






Assalamualaikum.

#31 Post Ni Panjangggg K.

Highlight of The Day:National Service.

Memang menusuk kalbu gilakkk SMS yg aku dapat. Tapi salah aku jugak kot tgn tak reti duk diam, gatal nak SMS sape suruh kan. Untuk anda2 semua budak SPM 2010 yg still tak tau lg cara nak check status NS, silakan SMS:

PLKN(space)SEMAK(space)IC
or PLKN(space)KEM(space)IC
send to 15888.

Aku tak tau kenapa sistem tu sayang sangat kat aku sebab dia reply SMS aku laju gila! Kawan2 aku yg send smua tak dpt lg. Muahaha. Aku tak seronok pun k! Sheesh. Mari kita baca warkah, i mean SMS, tersebut.

PLKN:KUMP 1.
KEM: KEM TASOH, BESERI, PERLIS.
PKP: PENANG INTERNATIONAL SPORTS ARENA (PISA)
LAPOR: 02-JAN-2011 9:30 PAGI.

Berderai la harapan aku nak keja dulu lpas SPM T___T Dah la dapat kem kat kampung terchenta. You guys tau tak betapa PANASnya bumi perlis? Adoiyaiiiiii mau kena bawak garnier 13 tube la cam niii. Makin gelap la aku yg mmg dah gelap ni. Tp boleh dikira benda ni mcm agenda yg aku tunggu2 : sesi menguruskan badan. XDD Huhu tp tak pe la. Disebabkan tak ramai yg terpilih, aku nak jugak rasa bangga sebab terpilih. Haha yayayayyyyyy happynya!!!!!!! =.="

So sapa2 yg nak kuaq date dgn aku mulai 9 - 31 Disember cepat2 la bgtau aku ye, jgn risau, list masih banyak yg kosong. Tp 16 Disember punya program dah diisi.. XD

Basyirah: ok gay. i'm sorry but i'm not chosen.
Sofea: sorry? sorry?!?!??!?!!
Basyirah: i'm sorry for u la. so i tell mama aku akan kuar dgn hg as often as i can sbb nnt tak jumpa hg 3 bulan. dia diam tak cakap apa. aku anggap it as a yes.

:') Will definitely miss you the most, darla.

Tukar topic 375degrees : SPM.

Yela nak cakap pasal apa lg =.=

Maths dengan ADD MATHS, aku boleh jamin dpt A+ lah. Semua org pun boleh dapat A+ dohh. Subjek yg plg ku tunggu2, Add Maths, mmg tak mengecewakan lgsg, haha. Paper1 mmg susah gilakkk tp paper2, mak aiii, aku gelakkk ja tgk paper tuu :D School paper lg susah. Haha so I think takde mslah A+.

Agama.. tak nak comment bnyk la. Mmg teruk gila3. B+ pun belum tentu dpt. Dah la aku ni baloq liat, malas hafal ayat hafazan! Takpe takpe, aku sedar perangai aku camne, perangai aku pun tak layak nak dapat A+ kalau dilihat dr sudut agama2 ni. Still trying to improve..

Physics.. Physics just murdered me yesterday. Sorry people, I can't even promise you a C+ for Physics. Get it? Not even a C. Yes, it was THAT hard. Budak uni pun takleh buat paper tu kut aku rasa. Mmg the deadliest disaster la Physics ni =.="

Tak nak bebel panjang2, tp nak di-announce-kan kat sini: TINGGAL DUA HARI LAGI :DD
Isnin Chem, Rabu Bio. Then maybe next week's Friday kut pegi Langkawi ke mane ntah, parents duk plan senyap2, aku tak senang hati btul. Haih. Tak nak aku g Langkawi, 10x dah pegi (k that's a lie. tak la smpai 10x), nak pegi tgk WonderGirls tak pun pegi KL or lepak kat Sunway Lagoon? *budak ni gaya tak sedar lg dia kena pegi PLKN kot*

Pesanan Ikhlas.

Sayangku dan adikku jgn seronok sgt ye cuti2 ni, korang tu SPM tahun depan, so sila lah study. Jgn risau kelas tuition akak ni akan dibuka sepanjang Disember. Nanti kita lepak buat Maths yer :D I will miss you guys for 3 months lepas ni. Wahh sebak pulak tp tak nak nangis la. Aku tau ada org tu tak leh tido mlm ni rindu kat aku kan kan kan :D









Assalamualaikum, may God bless!

Love, Sofea Asyiqin. (:

#26 Mine.

studying - but you're in my head .

You were in college working part time waitin’ tables
Left a small town, never looked back
I was a flight risk with a fear of fallin’
Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts

I say "Can you believe it?"
As we’re lying on the couch
The moment I can see it.
Yes, yes, I can see it now

Do you remember, we were sitting there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter
You are the best thing that’s ever been mine

Flash forward and we’re taking on the world together
And there’s a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and you figure out why I’m guarded
You say we’ll never make my parents’ mistakes

But we got bills to pay
We got nothing figured out
When it was hard to take
Yes, yes, I thought about

Do you remember, we were sitting there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter
You are the best thing that’s ever been mine

Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter
You are the best thing that’s ever been mine

Oh, oh, oh

And I remember that fight
Two-thirty a.m.
Yes, everything was slipping right out of our hands
I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street
Braced myself for the goodbye
‘cause that’s all I’ve ever known
And you took me by surprise
You said, "I’ll never leave you alone"

You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water
And every time I look at you, it’s like the first time
I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter
She is the best thing that’s ever been mine"

You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter
You are the best thing that’s ever been mine
Do you believe it?
Going to make it now
I can see it
I can see it now

#24 Oh My Harry Potter!

Semalam g tgk Harry Potter, best best bestttttt! :)
Certain parts sedih okayyy, sob sob.

:'(Okay tak sabar nak tengok part2!

Andd pegi shopping baju lagiiii.
Anddd mintak keja kat CoolBlog!
Haha susah nak caye doh mintak keje kat tmpt cm tuu.
Ahaa tp gaji best. ;)

And saye dah study BM, dah nak habes dah pun.
InsyaAllah hari ni habes.
Tak sabarnya nak SPM!

Tak yah baca, tak de kena mengena dengan kau.
AWAK.
Awak la.
Jangan la buat saye tension cam niii,
SPM minggu depan kot. :/
Awak selalu buat saye susah hati la.
Saye tak faham ape yg saye dah buat kt awak.
Yg nak bebai tetibe tu kenape tah.
AWAK.
Thanks ye sbb bg rosak mood saye.
Smlm saye excited gila pegi shopping utk date nnti.
Thanks ye thanks ye thanks ye!
Saye tak benci awak, tapi faham2 sndri lah!

ps; Saye melawak je bila saye cakap saye ade crush kat kawan awak tu lahh.





Doakan saya utk SPM ya, semua.

Assalamualaikum.

#23 Birthday & Raya.

Assalamualaikum :)

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha semua! Hayatilah erti pengorbanan yang sebenar. Sesungguhnya sekecil2 jihad itu ialah berkorban melawan nafsu. Semoga anda sentiasa dirahmati ALLAH sentiasa.

And to Ikhwan Safwan..


click to enlarge

Lurveyewwwwwwwww bro! :)

#19 Chasing Pavements.

I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong, I
am right
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust
I know this
is love
But, if I tell the world
I'll never say enough
'cause it was
not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do
If I end up with
you

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my
place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep
chasin' pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere ?

I build myself up
And fly around in circles
Waitin' as my heart drops
And my back
begins to tingle
Finally, could this be it

Or should I give
up,
Or should I just keep chasin' pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it
there ?

#17 Love And Friendship.

Okay. Prepare some tissues by your side, girls.

It all started in 7th grade when I just moved into this little town in
Minnesota. I was still pretty upset with moving there because I didn't like to
move and be "new" to a place. The town was so small I walked the whole town in
15 minutes. Well anyways, school started and there were many kids for a small
town. I was walking around keeping to myself when I noticed her. She was
beautiful. I was upset though cause back then I was short and chubby so I didn't
think she would like me. I wanted to talk to her and get to know her. She was in
my grade too but then I learned that they separated the students into 2
sections. 7A and 7B. She was in 7B I was in 7A. I wanted to meet and get to know
her so bad, but sadly it didn't happen. Through out the school year we talked
and eventually became friends but I didn't get to know her well. So middle
school went and came and I had a girlfriend and little did I know she had a
crush for me too. It made her upset obviously. So I decided to just be friends
with my girlfriend and then I told her. She seemed to be so happy after. Of
course time went by and soon we were in high school as freshmen. Then I figured
out she liked me and I liked her too. We had many classes together but she and I
never really talked to each other. It was the winter of freshman year and we
began talking to each other. One day she came up to me and said she had
something to tell me. She told me she likes me and wanted to know how I felt
towards her. I knew this would come but not then and I knew love might not last
and I wanted her to be around me for a long time so I said I liked her but only
as a close friend. Then she said oh okay and walked away. I was so stupid! I
felt so dumb and I wanted to chase after her and tell her I was just playing
around and I wanted to be more but then she was gone. We never really talked
after that and of course time went by again and she had a boyfriend. I felt
horrible but she was happy and I found myself liking her friend. I dated her
friend but then it didn't work so we broke up. Of course she still had her
boyfriend and he lived 3 hours from her and they didn't get to talk much but I
was glad for her. Time went on and on again. Freshman year ended and sophomore
year came. Then we had practically every class together so we began talking
again. She told me many things not even her best friend knew about. I became her
best guy friend and she was my best gal friend. We chat and talk and shared
secrets. Many people thought we were dating but of course I said we were just
friends. Rumors started and I got mad so I confronted people telling them to
back off because she was upset with them. She then told me what else was
bothering her and it was about her and her boyfriend. I helped her out and she
gave me advice too. We were very close friends and along the way I feel in love
with her again. She did too except she had a boyfriend and I didn't want to tell
her I liked her. Then I figured out she had more problems with her boyfriend and
I told her she can call me and we can talk. Of course she did and we talked
through out the whole night. I wanted to tell her I liked her but I couldn't. I
always told her I had something to tell her and she would really want to know
but I said in two years[which would be after high school] and I kept it like
that for many days, weeks and months. Then one day we went to the park after
school and we were swinging on the swings and I asked her about her problems and
she said its difficult and she was going to break up with her boyfriend because
all her girlfriends wanted her too anyways. I encouraged her to stay strong and
she cried on my shoulder. Later that same day I got hold of her planner and I
wrote what I wanted to tell her in two years. I wrote down:
"Hey Loser, what
I wanted to tell you in 2 years is that in sophomore year I liked you. Alot.
Okay thats it. =)"
She didn't find it but I knew she would one day. Of
course things were hard for her so I just encouraged her. Everything soon
started to change.
So I kept on encouraging her and things started to
change. We had hanged out many times before but this time she said she had
something to tell me and its bugging her and so she had to tell me. So we hanged
out the whole day, walking around town, playing tag, watching clouds, laying in
the football field. Then I finally said I had to go home so she had to tell me,
so she said okay lets walk her. So we continued walking and she wanted to go
through an alley and I was confuse but we were best friends so I didn't care. As
we went she looked around and I was even more confused, then she leaned up and
kissed my cheek. I was surprised, I liked it but I was shocked. Then she said
did I get her message and we talked. I told her I liked her a lot too and I
would love to be more than best friends but at that moment she had her own
boyfriend and problems and I had a very stressful time and so it wasn't good.
She said understand what I was saying and just thought she would tell me because
it was bothering her and I said well I like you too. A lot and I kissed her back
which was bad because her boyfriend wanted her to be more of a "honest"
girlfriend and she had to tell him about this. Of course he was upset and said
some really stupid mean things and they broke up. I comforted her and helped her
out so much. She liked me too and so she got back to feeling the same in no
time. Of course she liked me so as time went by we got closer and closer. Then
one day I held her hand and we hugged. I was really excited about this and
things just started to get better. As time went by I eventually asked her out
and it took her a while to say yes but she did and I was the luckiest man in the
world. We loved each other. This all happened sophomore year and so when we
eventually went out it was towards the end of the school year. I was upset
because summer would come and I had to work. Of course I thought all this was
true and we would last forever. We kissed many times and it was the best time of
my life. Our relationship went on for 3 straight months and it was the best 3
months and I thought it was the best but as time went on the truth will always
reveal itself. Summer came and I worked during the day and we chatted online at
night. I came home around 10 and we would chat till 1 or 2 in the morning. We
hanged out some days and I knew it wasn't enough because I found myself missing
her more and more. She then told me she had to go to France with her mom to
visit relatives. I honestly didn't want her to go because her old boyfriend was
over there too because her old boyfriend was her first cousin and her would be
over there. She said it would be fine and she loved me and only me. She would be
leaving the twos before summer ended and would come back in time for school
again. I wasn't so sure about it but I couldn't do anything. Summer went and
came and soon she was going to leave to France. Before she left we spent a day
together taking pictures and just hanging out before she left. We went to the
park and did the old things we did. We played around and then we sat and kissed
at the bench. I carved our names into the bench and it was awesome. Soon she had
to leave so i walked her home. The next day she left for France, I missed her.
Little did I know what she was feeling inside, what she really thought. The
truth. Four days into her trip she emailed me online saying the trip was awesome
and she had something to tell her "best buddy". I was confused, I was her
boyfriend not her "buddy". But thats it I "Was" her boyfriend. I emailed her
back wanting to know an explanation. She emailed me and it said:
" I know
you wanted an explanation but it will be a while before I come back so I'm going
to explain it on here. When I'm with you I feel as if your my brother and my
close friend only. It wasn't like when I was with my ex-boyfriend. In fact, I
tried to replace him with you and everything we did reminded me of him. I never
felt any sparks with you and there was nothing. You are an awesome person but I
can't open my heart to you because it was already opened to my other boyfriend.
I tried loving you but I can't. I love him and I can't not love him. As perfect
as you are I can't love you, as imperfect as he his I cannot not love him. You
will find somebody I know it."
From there, that email changed everything. I
was torn. I cried the whole night. It hurt. I was speechless. Summer was ending
and she would come back and it would be awkward. I didn't understand and I
thought there was something but obviously there wasn't. She never liked me and
she never well. It was the best and worst summer ever. I didn't know what to do,
so I talked to her boyfriend, congratulating him and her and saying the best
thing that I can. I didn't want to make it look like I was upset and I still
missed her. When she came back we barely talked because I know I would cry if we
did. So I kept my distance, besides I think she didn't want to talk to me
anyways. Now I'm a junior and we barely talk. We walk past each other like
nothing happened. I miss her from time to time but what can I do? I still cry
myself to sleep sometimes. Sometimes I cut away my pain. I don't know what to
do. It so different and she has her boyfriend anyways. I'm just so depress but I
manage to focus myself on my education and my life/family. I still think about
her and our friendship and our love. I see her everyday and its hard to let go.
There's still questions that haven't been answered and things I still want to
know, but I can't talk to her about serious things because I would only cry. I
don't know what to do. I get suicide thoughts but I think about my family and
friends and I don't. But things will never be the same. I know. Just got to
leave life to the fullest even if the smile is fake.

The end.

This is a story submitted by a guy at loverofsadness.com.
Shit I know I shouldn't have read this.
Now I can't stop crying..
More? Read this.
And this is beautifully heartbreaking.

#16 A Promise.

Dear You,

Watching the rain
Listening to it hit the window pane
Holding your hand
I wish you’d understand

I don’t want anyone else
I want you all for myself
To stare in your eyes
And get hypnotized

Oh baby, please don’t let go
Lets take this love real slow
Hold me in your arms
And forever I will stay
I’m never gonna run away

Look into your soul
That’s where you’ll find
A heart that beats fast
When it connects with mine.

Oh baby, please don’t let go
Lets take this love real slow
Hold me in your arms
And forever I will stay
I’m never gonna run away

Baby, I’m never gonna run away.

XOXO Sofea.

007

Please stop these illusions.
Why am I questioning everything that I feel and do every minute I wonder..
It seems like my world has made a 379degress turn.
Not the first time happening to me..

You seriously need to stay away from me.
Stay away. I mean it this time.

But we tried that, didn't we?
Carrying on with our lives without interrupting another.
Obviously we can't keep that up for long.
Well, at least, I know I can't.

I have moved on, have I?
I don't know. I don't know.










XOXO Sofea.

005

Cried after reading this. :'(
Hmmmm betul la apa org cakap, kalau dah takde jodoh, takkan dapat bersama.
One lesson learned today.


XOXO - SF.

#14 My Love.

Sia - My Love



My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, you have found peace
You were searching for release

You gave it all into the call
You took a chance and
You took the fall for us

You came thoughtfully
Loved me faithfully
You taught me honor
You did it for me

Tonight you will sleep for good
You will wait for me, my love

Now I am strong, you gave me all
You gave all you had
And now I am home

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, look what you can do
I am mending, I'll be with you

You took my hand and added a plan
You gave me your heart
I asked you to dance with me

You loved honestly
Did what you could release
Ah, ooh

I know you're pleased to go
I won't relieve this love

Now I am strong, you gave me all
You gave all you had
And now I am home

My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, I'll be with you

Yours,

#12 Him.

An old picture but it never fails to make me smile. :)

One thing I love the most about this guy is the way he loves me and the way he reassures me that everything's okay between us. I never had the thought to betray him or what because, obviously, he's the best thing I have at the moment. Hopefully this relationship will last. (;

#10 Awwwwwwwww.

Terharu sial. Haha.


Yours,

#8 Can You Feel The Fire Burning?

*random picture, not related to this post*

The meteor is crashing,
you hold me tight,
as we lay underneath the stars,
hand in hand.

Let the sea breeze dance,
let the fireflies shine,
all I know is that we're together,
I'll be fine,
we'll be fine.

The meteor is crashing,
and you hold me tight,
look into my eyes,
promise me today,
promise me forever,
we're gonna be this way,
we're gonna love each other everyday.

The meteor is crashing,
but we stay this way,
against the world,
against the nature,
because nothing else matters,
nothing but us.

Irrevocably in love,

#4 Goodbye Circus Rat.

SPM is just around the corner. Okay cut the crap about SPM ALREADY. Ramble about something else that might not interest anyone except your gayp. Here you go.

Dear Circus Rat.

I want to crush your teeth, flatten your handsome face, pull out your ears and feed them to the monkeys, grind your intestines, chop your balls and boil it with chicken soup as much as I want to pull you into my arms and kiss your soft, full, red lips. I loved you. I love you. Scratch that last. I just..I don't know. I'm numb. I tried and still trying, my best to despise you but my attempts failed miserably. I don't know what or how you did to me. You turned my whole world upside down and left without telling me how to make everything back to normal again. However after some time, I learned to survive on my own. Then you came back. And left me again. And came back.

Maybe you think that this whole messing-the-girl's-heart thing is another game. Maybe you flirt with her before because you were bored. She did make you laugh at times and you do enjoy her company. Sometimes, you smile when her face randomly appears in your mind. You shrug off the thought because it seems silly to think about a GIRL. And maybe sometimes you realize that the girl 'likes' you more than what you expected. Maybe it's just your imagination but it doesn't look that way. Maybe you felt sorry once or twice. Maybe you feel like telling her that you're sorry but then decided not to because it would hurt your so-called ego. Maybe at the end you do realize that you've fallen for her. But admitting something that big is just too hard right..

I don't know, I'm confused about you boy. What I know now is that I can't let myself get hurt for another time. I am a believer that everything happens for some reasons. Maybe we are not destined to be together. Maybe I'm just not good enough to be with someone like you? Maybe you're looking for someone with better qualities. Or maybe you have found that someone after all? I won't be asking these straight to your face. I wouldn't have the chance to. And I..wouldn't want to know the answer. It'll hurt allright.

Squishy, this is the last time that I will ever write about you. I'm getting over you, FOR REAL, this time. I know I said this a few times but this is my final decision and I'll do it. I can. I can if I put in a little bit more effort than last time. I loved you and nothing can change that. But for now, I'll just do what's best for me. May you lead a good life. I do hope you'll find happiness and probably, love, in someone else. So long Squishy. :)

---

Dear Baby Boo.

I'm sorry for not being honest to you about my feelings. I was just bemused about this whole situation. Leaving all the things that happened to me for the last five months is definitely something very challenging. But I tried you know, I do. But I was never serious about it. I know it's my fault and maybe you feel that I've been cheating on you. But trust me..I never had the intention to hurt you. I'm trapped. This is the hardest choice that I have to make all my life.

And finally I chose you. I chose you baby. You're just so undeniably sincere to me since the first time we know each other. And the age gap..it never bothers you. You don't care about the way I look or dress. You never said anything. You accepted my flaws and you try to comprehend. I'm doing just the same as you. I try to accept things as it is and go with the flow, see where this path will take us to. I'm willing to try something extremely new to me because you convinced me to. You gave me the courage. And I never worry about falling. Because I know you'll be there to catch me. You'll always be with me.

Baby boo, I love you. I'm learning to love you the way you should be loved. I'm giving you all the things you deserve since the first time. I'm going to appreciate your presence and attention. I'm never EVER going to hurt you. Mark my words. If it is already written up there that we belong to each other then we do, right? I love you. I love you and..I love you. (:

Forever yours,