It all started in 7th grade when I just moved into this little town in
Minnesota. I was still pretty upset with moving there because I didn't like to
move and be "new" to a place. The town was so small I walked the whole town in
15 minutes. Well anyways, school started and there were many kids for a small
town. I was walking around keeping to myself when I noticed her. She was
beautiful. I was upset though cause back then I was short and chubby so I didn't
think she would like me. I wanted to talk to her and get to know her. She was in
my grade too but then I learned that they separated the students into 2
sections. 7A and 7B. She was in 7B I was in 7A. I wanted to meet and get to know
her so bad, but sadly it didn't happen. Through out the school year we talked
and eventually became friends but I didn't get to know her well. So middle
school went and came and I had a girlfriend and little did I know she had a
crush for me too. It made her upset obviously. So I decided to just be friends
with my girlfriend and then I told her. She seemed to be so happy after. Of
course time went by and soon we were in high school as freshmen. Then I figured
out she liked me and I liked her too. We had many classes together but she and I
never really talked to each other. It was the winter of freshman year and we
began talking to each other. One day she came up to me and said she had
something to tell me. She told me she likes me and wanted to know how I felt
towards her. I knew this would come but not then and I knew love might not last
and I wanted her to be around me for a long time so I said I liked her but only
as a close friend. Then she said oh okay and walked away. I was so stupid! I
felt so dumb and I wanted to chase after her and tell her I was just playing
around and I wanted to be more but then she was gone. We never really talked
after that and of course time went by again and she had a boyfriend. I felt
horrible but she was happy and I found myself liking her friend. I dated her
friend but then it didn't work so we broke up. Of course she still had her
boyfriend and he lived 3 hours from her and they didn't get to talk much but I
was glad for her. Time went on and on again. Freshman year ended and sophomore
year came. Then we had practically every class together so we began talking
again. She told me many things not even her best friend knew about. I became her
best guy friend and she was my best gal friend. We chat and talk and shared
secrets. Many people thought we were dating but of course I said we were just
friends. Rumors started and I got mad so I confronted people telling them to
back off because she was upset with them. She then told me what else was
bothering her and it was about her and her boyfriend. I helped her out and she
gave me advice too. We were very close friends and along the way I feel in love
with her again. She did too except she had a boyfriend and I didn't want to tell
her I liked her. Then I figured out she had more problems with her boyfriend and
I told her she can call me and we can talk. Of course she did and we talked
through out the whole night. I wanted to tell her I liked her but I couldn't. I
always told her I had something to tell her and she would really want to know
but I said in two years[which would be after high school] and I kept it like
that for many days, weeks and months. Then one day we went to the park after
school and we were swinging on the swings and I asked her about her problems and
she said its difficult and she was going to break up with her boyfriend because
all her girlfriends wanted her too anyways. I encouraged her to stay strong and
she cried on my shoulder. Later that same day I got hold of her planner and I
wrote what I wanted to tell her in two years. I wrote down:
"Hey Loser, what
I wanted to tell you in 2 years is that in sophomore year I liked you. Alot.
Okay thats it. =)"
She didn't find it but I knew she would one day. Of
course things were hard for her so I just encouraged her. Everything soon
started to change.
So I kept on encouraging her and things started to
change. We had hanged out many times before but this time she said she had
something to tell me and its bugging her and so she had to tell me. So we hanged
out the whole day, walking around town, playing tag, watching clouds, laying in
the football field. Then I finally said I had to go home so she had to tell me,
so she said okay lets walk her. So we continued walking and she wanted to go
through an alley and I was confuse but we were best friends so I didn't care. As
we went she looked around and I was even more confused, then she leaned up and
kissed my cheek. I was surprised, I liked it but I was shocked. Then she said
did I get her message and we talked. I told her I liked her a lot too and I
would love to be more than best friends but at that moment she had her own
boyfriend and problems and I had a very stressful time and so it wasn't good.
She said understand what I was saying and just thought she would tell me because
it was bothering her and I said well I like you too. A lot and I kissed her back
which was bad because her boyfriend wanted her to be more of a "honest"
girlfriend and she had to tell him about this. Of course he was upset and said
some really stupid mean things and they broke up. I comforted her and helped her
out so much. She liked me too and so she got back to feeling the same in no
time. Of course she liked me so as time went by we got closer and closer. Then
one day I held her hand and we hugged. I was really excited about this and
things just started to get better. As time went by I eventually asked her out
and it took her a while to say yes but she did and I was the luckiest man in the
world. We loved each other. This all happened sophomore year and so when we
eventually went out it was towards the end of the school year. I was upset
because summer would come and I had to work. Of course I thought all this was
true and we would last forever. We kissed many times and it was the best time of
my life. Our relationship went on for 3 straight months and it was the best 3
months and I thought it was the best but as time went on the truth will always
reveal itself. Summer came and I worked during the day and we chatted online at
night. I came home around 10 and we would chat till 1 or 2 in the morning. We
hanged out some days and I knew it wasn't enough because I found myself missing
her more and more. She then told me she had to go to France with her mom to
visit relatives. I honestly didn't want her to go because her old boyfriend was
over there too because her old boyfriend was her first cousin and her would be
over there. She said it would be fine and she loved me and only me. She would be
leaving the twos before summer ended and would come back in time for school
again. I wasn't so sure about it but I couldn't do anything. Summer went and
came and soon she was going to leave to France. Before she left we spent a day
together taking pictures and just hanging out before she left. We went to the
park and did the old things we did. We played around and then we sat and kissed
at the bench. I carved our names into the bench and it was awesome. Soon she had
to leave so i walked her home. The next day she left for France, I missed her.
Little did I know what she was feeling inside, what she really thought. The
truth. Four days into her trip she emailed me online saying the trip was awesome
and she had something to tell her "best buddy". I was confused, I was her
boyfriend not her "buddy". But thats it I "Was" her boyfriend. I emailed her
back wanting to know an explanation. She emailed me and it said:
" I know
you wanted an explanation but it will be a while before I come back so I'm going
to explain it on here. When I'm with you I feel as if your my brother and my
close friend only. It wasn't like when I was with my ex-boyfriend. In fact, I
tried to replace him with you and everything we did reminded me of him. I never
felt any sparks with you and there was nothing. You are an awesome person but I
can't open my heart to you because it was already opened to my other boyfriend.
I tried loving you but I can't. I love him and I can't not love him. As perfect
as you are I can't love you, as imperfect as he his I cannot not love him. You
will find somebody I know it."
From there, that email changed everything. I
was torn. I cried the whole night. It hurt. I was speechless. Summer was ending
and she would come back and it would be awkward. I didn't understand and I
thought there was something but obviously there wasn't. She never liked me and
she never well. It was the best and worst summer ever. I didn't know what to do,
so I talked to her boyfriend, congratulating him and her and saying the best
thing that I can. I didn't want to make it look like I was upset and I still
missed her. When she came back we barely talked because I know I would cry if we
did. So I kept my distance, besides I think she didn't want to talk to me
anyways. Now I'm a junior and we barely talk. We walk past each other like
nothing happened. I miss her from time to time but what can I do? I still cry
myself to sleep sometimes. Sometimes I cut away my pain. I don't know what to
do. It so different and she has her boyfriend anyways. I'm just so depress but I
manage to focus myself on my education and my life/family. I still think about
her and our friendship and our love. I see her everyday and its hard to let go.
There's still questions that haven't been answered and things I still want to
know, but I can't talk to her about serious things because I would only cry. I
don't know what to do. I get suicide thoughts but I think about my family and
friends and I don't. But things will never be the same. I know. Just got to
leave life to the fullest even if the smile is fake.
The end.
This is a story submitted by a guy at loverofsadness.com.
Shit I know I shouldn't have read this.
Now I can't stop crying..
More? Read this.
And this is beautifully heartbreaking.
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