Dear Circus Rat.
I want to crush your teeth, flatten your handsome face, pull out your ears and feed them to the monkeys, grind your intestines, chop your balls and boil it with chicken soup as much as I want to pull you into my arms and kiss your soft, full, red lips. I loved you. I love you. Scratch that last. I just..I don't know. I'm numb. I tried and still trying, my best to despise you but my attempts failed miserably. I don't know what or how you did to me. You turned my whole world upside down and left without telling me how to make everything back to normal again. However after some time, I learned to survive on my own. Then you came back. And left me again. And came back.
Maybe you think that this whole messing-the-girl's-heart thing is another game. Maybe you flirt with her before because you were bored. She did make you laugh at times and you do enjoy her company. Sometimes, you smile when her face randomly appears in your mind. You shrug off the thought because it seems silly to think about a GIRL. And maybe sometimes you realize that the girl 'likes' you more than what you expected. Maybe it's just your imagination but it doesn't look that way. Maybe you felt sorry once or twice. Maybe you feel like telling her that you're sorry but then decided not to because it would hurt your so-called ego. Maybe at the end you do realize that you've fallen for her. But admitting something that big is just too hard right..
I don't know, I'm confused about you boy. What I know now is that I can't let myself get hurt for another time. I am a believer that everything happens for some reasons. Maybe we are not destined to be together. Maybe I'm just not good enough to be with someone like you? Maybe you're looking for someone with better qualities. Or maybe you have found that someone after all? I won't be asking these straight to your face. I wouldn't have the chance to. And I..wouldn't want to know the answer. It'll hurt allright.
Squishy, this is the last time that I will ever write about you. I'm getting over you, FOR REAL, this time. I know I said this a few times but this is my final decision and I'll do it. I can. I can if I put in a little bit more effort than last time. I loved you and nothing can change that. But for now, I'll just do what's best for me. May you lead a good life. I do hope you'll find happiness and probably, love, in someone else. So long Squishy. :)
Dear Baby Boo.
I'm sorry for not being honest to you about my feelings. I was just bemused about this whole situation. Leaving all the things that happened to me for the last five months is definitely something very challenging. But I tried you know, I do. But I was never serious about it. I know it's my fault and maybe you feel that I've been cheating on you. But trust me..I never had the intention to hurt you. I'm trapped. This is the hardest choice that I have to make all my life.
And finally I chose you. I chose you baby. You're just so undeniably sincere to me since the first time we know each other. And the age gap..it never bothers you. You don't care about the way I look or dress. You never said anything. You accepted my flaws and you try to comprehend. I'm doing just the same as you. I try to accept things as it is and go with the flow, see where this path will take us to. I'm willing to try something extremely new to me because you convinced me to. You gave me the courage. And I never worry about falling. Because I know you'll be there to catch me. You'll always be with me.
Baby boo, I love you. I'm learning to love you the way you should be loved. I'm giving you all the things you deserve since the first time. I'm going to appreciate your presence and attention. I'm never EVER going to hurt you. Mark my words. If it is already written up there that we belong to each other then we do, right? I love you. I love you and..I love you. (:
Forever yours,
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